booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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