you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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