I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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