How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
