areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
