he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
