I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
