I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
