i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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