Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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