I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
