There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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