Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
...so i touched it.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
