Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
