There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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