Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
