Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
