you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
