She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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