I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
