he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Damn victory sex feels great
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
