My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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