Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
