i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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