Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
