You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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