my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
