she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
