well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
