I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
