I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Someone came in the potted fern
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
