A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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