just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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