Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
