P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
