He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
