Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
