did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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