By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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