You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
