I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
