I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
