Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
there's paper in my vomit.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
