She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
