My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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