Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
