We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
