How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
i've created a new STD.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
