Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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