i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
