my phone needs a breathalizer
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
